Application #2

Some of the applicants won us over when we saw their audition tape. For these lucky women we didn't even bother setting up an interview we just sent them acceptance letters right away. I'm sure that you will understand why when we show you our introduction to Barbara Stibbe.

**Cues video - there's a moment of empty air, the camera shooting a chair with nobody in it … the sounds of a tap running for a few seconds and then footsteps can be heard, before a young woman sits down in the chair, holding a glass of water*

Okay, let's see. *pauses to take a sip of water before setting on a table beside her* My name is Barbara Stibbe and I'm applying to be on your show 'Farmer Wants a Wife.' I think I'd be good for your farmer because I'm very interested in the environment and the thought of making money while keeping the whole cycle of life thing going sounds neat.

And I plan to have lots of friends, so there'll always be someone around to help out and all that fresh food and good friends can let you have some great parties! But it's nice being in the country and away from all those strangers who always want to get up in your business. I mean, what's up with people telling me to have a nice day? What if I don't want to have a nice day! Just leave me alone, y'know? Farms have all sorts of robotic things on them these days too and I find robots really sexy. Maybe if some of the equipment breaks we could find someone to make us a robot housekeeper or something!

*takes another sip of water, then stares into the camera for ten seconds* I think that's it. Yeah, that's it. Environment, money, friends, robots. Oh! And James… that was his name, right? I know you didn't give us his last name, but anyway, your Farmer won't have to worry when he comes in from the field that I won't give him a hug and a kiss like a lot of other girls. I know most people find it icky when a guy sweats. But to me, it shows he's really a man and that just, can I say it makes me all hot? Well, it does. So I like the thought of knowing he'll be sweating out in the sun all day and then come home to me. So that's it. Thanks! *gets up from the chair and heads to the camera … image ends*

I want to take a moment to apologize to our viewing audience and to the farmer himself. I inadvertantly referred to our Bachelor Farmer last episode as John Johns. His name is actually James Johns.